Eden Mae

9 adventures of Eden

Traveling with an infant child and catching up with wonderful friends makes blogging difficult. Today is for Eden, who has done outstanding on this trip, but needs a little extra Mama time. And while she sleeps in my wrap I present to you my list:

1. Eden joins the world.

2. Eden is welcomed home

3. Eden and her BFF

4. Eden goes on a walk

5. Eden's first boyfriend

6. Eden enjoys the sun

7. Eden gets kissed

8. Eden stays at the JW Marriott

9. And after a long day,
Eden passes out

Saturday, March 31, 2012

Eden Mae

It is hard to remember life before Eden Mae. In the past two months my time, focus, and priorities have shifted so dramatically and this new life shadows over the memories of a time before.

Early in labor I shared with my mom my fears of the impending change. I did not feel ready for the selflessness required to love and parent a child. I did not feel rested in preparation for the sleeplessness that spanned ahead. I did not feel like I had any more room to adopt a new identity as mother, for I had been myself in one particular way for so long.

After two months of reflection I realize it was Eden that I needed for so long. She has taught me how to be a parent; how to love selflessly while making room for an identity that fulfills rather than depletes me. In return I am given the chance to see the world anew, with a childish wonder, through a fresh pair of eyes.

Monday, February 27, 2012

35 days of motherhood

It's hard not to be totally in love, just look at her. The last 5 weeks have gone so fast, and yet I hardly remember a life before this one. Eden becomes more herself and less an attachment of myself as she develops a very sweet, sometimes nervous nature. I am still falling quite naturally into this new, much different identity as mother and for the first time in at least fifteen years I am gifted with time which I savor moment by moment (as much as I can). Even in the sleepless hours of the nights and during periods of inconsolable crying, I find myself grabbing hold of each moment as it fades into the next. It's not all perfect, I'm sure. But as these early days turn into memories the hard, tired feelings disappear and the wonderment is all that remains.

Sunday, February 5, 2012

due date

Today was Eden's due date. Right now I am holding her in my arms rather than my uterus and I have a hard time imagining life before her.

The first ten days were quite emotional as I worried about time going too fast and counting the months between now and college. I felt nostalgic for the passing moments and sometimes wished I could shove her back in because she was already becoming too independent.

I'm finding my way out of the emotional postpardum maze. Two hundred and sixteen months is quite a long time. I'm learning to live with the moment rather than missing the moment before. And I accept now that in the instant Eden entered the world, that instant I met her and fell madly in love, began my incredible gift and responsibility of teaching my child independence.

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Eden Mae

Last week my daughter Eden joined our little family. Early but ready to embrace the world she entered, forever changing me. Her birth opened up a well of maternal and paternal resources in me that fills me up, quenches any doubt, pours out patience and floods me with calming perspective and wisdom. She brought me into awareness of this part of me that lay dormant waiting and ready.

I am ready to explore the world with her.
I am ready to learn from her.
I am ready to teach her.
I am ready.

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